


My Same

by AnnCherie



Category: Gossip Girl (TV 2007)
Genre: F/M, transferring from ffnet to here, written during season four if i remember right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-08
Updated: 2013-03-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:21:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22166305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnCherie/pseuds/AnnCherie
Summary: Blair has had a sign given to her in the form of a dream, but will she be willing to figure out what it means?
Relationships: Dan Humphrey/Blair Waldorf
Comments: 3
Kudos: 17





	My Same

* * *

_He undressed her, his hands shaking, as though he was nervous. If he were, his lips had not gotten the memo because he moved his lips across hers effectively. She couldn't make out his face in the dark room, but it was of little importance at the moment. He kissed her neck, slightly exposing his teeth upon her skin. She shivered, surprising herself. She ran her fingers from his lower waist up his side and to his neck. He groaned. He moved up her body and down, and they fell into a fluid pattern. And then, as her back started to arch and the moans grew louder, she kissed him hard. And then they were done, but he didn't roll over. He stayed where he was positioned above her, slightly muscled arms now shaky, and took both of his hands and cupped her face. The gesture caught her off guard and made her feel vulnerable, but he kissed her tenderly with a smile playing on the lips touching hers. It was intimate and it was romantic, and it made her feel like she was the only person in the world. But that was when she woke up._

Blair Waldorf had become accustomed to her intricate dreams that her subconscious wove for her, but this was not of the usual breed. There was no trace of Audrey Hepburn or even Clark Gable to be found. No analogies, metaphors, or comparisons to great films or literature anywhere. It was just a straightforward dream, so realistic it might have been a memory, that kept sneaking up on her every night. And the stunning simplicity of it all both perplexed and intrigued her immensely.

Ever since it had first occurred she had tried desperately to figure out who the man could be. It was definitely not Louis, who seemed to only pay attention to Blair's needs while in bed. Wincing, she had considered Chuck as a possibility but he was more expert and lust-filled when dealing with Blair. When she had definitively ruled out those two, she went down the list. Nate had always groped her breasts in a way that begged for Serena's size. Jack Bass, well he was far too disgusting to consider, let alone not up to size. Carter had always been selfish and an early finisher. Marcus had always seemed bored and uninterested, something that made sense in hindsight. All in all, Blair was left with the answer that she didn't know her mysterious lover, but something in her couldn't accept that. Even if she hadn't had sex with this man while awake, she knew him.

Perhaps she was only falling into her romanticist ways again, she sighed. She had thought that was over since she arrived in Monaco. Everything here was nice and warm, not hot like the city. The skies were clear, the sounds of spoken French rose from the halls of the palace. It was gorgeous and it was what she had wanted. She was about to become the modern day Grace Kelly. Everything in her should be jumping for joy. And while there was no denying that she wasn't happy, she'd have to be insane not to be, Blair was beginning to question deep down if this was what she really needed. All her life she had worked for every single thing she had gained. She had put so much effort into Constance and Yale, even NYU. In her love life Blair had striven for perfection with Nate and then Chuck. She had focused and put forth so much determination in every aspect of her life that this all seemed too easy. She could try and tell herself that it was work planning a royal wedding and that would make up for any imbalance in fairness, but even Blair knew that was ridiculous.

For once in her life, Blair finally felt she understood what Serena felt like. Louis had made it a habit of turning down any non-mandatory obligation to wait on her hand and foot. She didn't know how Serena could stand it. It was nice, but Blair could barely stand her independence being sacrificed. Louis loved her in a way that was nice and pure, but also in a way that didn't seem real at all. He sent her beautiful presents, something that she couldn't help but indulge in. He presented her at dinner and he took her on walks around the palace. And as much as her cheeks were weak with smiling so often, the dream had sparked something in her. A sort of revelation. Part of her, the part she usually tried to hide and the part that Chuck had always influenced, wanted to stand up in the enormous dining hall and announce that she had cheated on Louis with Chuck at a bar mitzvha and that she hated his mother vehemently. However that was neither anything Louis deserved, nor anything she could respect herself for. So she stayed, going through the motions at the palace, unable to decide what the best course of action could possibly be.

* * *

Dan had originally been happy to get out of the city and into the Hamptons with Eric, even at the risk that Eric might try to interrogate him about Blair or Charlie, hell even Milo. All he found was that the extra time on his hands still left him with thoughts of the ninety pound doe-eyed girl, no matter the setting. He couldn't help but think back to everything she had said and be immensely disappointed. Admittedly, their first kiss was not the best, but the fact that it had only made her think of Chuck was an all-time low. And then? "Biggest mistake of my life" were the words she had used, before running off with the Prince of Monaco. To say that Dan Humphrey's already suffering ego was injured would be an understatement.

"Dan," Eric snapped, waving his hand in front of him, "Has your mind arrived in the Hamptons yet or did it take a flight to Monaco?"

They were currently walking on the beach, Eric wanting to both gain a tan and fulfill his promise of being a wing man. It had been a few weeks since summer had started and while Eric had managed to get plenty of dates to keep his mind off of Jonathan, Dan had been doing a whole lot of nothing.

"What? No. Who says I have to be thinking about Blair if I'm in deep thought? I have plenty of other things to think about." Dan shot back.

"Somehow I don't think you're that zoned out over classes in the fall." Eric retorted dryly.

Dan rolled his eyes. "Look, Blair's finally chosen someone who's not going to trade her for a hotel or sleep with their step-mother. I'm happy for her."

"So happy you can't even hit on bikini clad girls checking you out on the beach?" Eric asked, an eyebrow raised. "Just tell her how you feel."

Dan gave a dry, short laugh. "Are you kidding me? I'm not suicidal. I couldn't be farther from what Blair wants in a guy, which has been made as clear as Riedel glassware."

"From what I've seen it looks like Blair doesn't know what she wants now that Chuck is out of the picture. Getting engaged to someone after only being on ten or so dates with them is hasty and begging for disaster, even if they are royalty."

"You're probably right. But I'm the last person who could stop her if she's determined to be eternally unhappy with someone rich and influential."

"Dan, come on. Even if you were only friends with her you'd still owe it to her to try." Eric replied, and to that Dan had no argument.

Eric mentioned something about going back to the house, and before Dan started the walk with him, Eric admitted it was to get ready for a date. So Dan stayed on the beach, strolling, wondering how on earth he had gotten into this mess. Why hadn't he visited Jenny and his mother over the winter break? Or simply skipped seeing Nenette at the film forum? Anything but gotten himself into this emotional mess.

The worst thing was the feelings of utter inadequacy that came with having or in this case wanting a romantic relationship with an Upper East Sider. He hadn't felt this way since Serena. It wasn't that Dan wasn't confident in who he was- far from it. It was simply the fact that he wanted the approval of someone whose only compliments toward him lately were "At least he's not a child" and a reference to a Labrador. He had to be completely masochistic to even produce feelings for her.  
  


* * *

"But Serena you don't understand. It wasn't like my regular dreams. There was no _Sabrina_ or _Paris When it Sizzles_ or _Roman Holiday_. It was just-,"

"A sex dream?" Serena laughed through the phone. "B those are normal."

Blair and Serena had made up since their fight before summer and Blair was glad to have someone to confess to. Being in a foreign country with no one she knew was getting very old very fast. Even her parents had gone back to their residence in France.

"Ugh, maybe for you, S, but I happen to stick to a more classy form of REM romance."

"So why are you so concerned? Doesn't it just mean Louis is doing something right?"

Blair bit her lip at that. "Well, that's another detail that concerns me. It wasn't Louis."

"Oh no. Don't tell me it was Chuck?" Serena groaned.

"What? No." Blair responded, briefly thinking about her and Chuck's last encounter and then putting it out of her mind, "That ship has sailed. And sunk. To the bottom of the sea to stay."

"Nate?"

"I refer to my previous statement. Believe me, I've gone down the sordid list. The person doesn't match anyone I've experienced. It was weird, S. He made me feel like- like he loved me so much he needed me to know, but it was nice. Not overdone."

"Aww, that's sweet B. Dan and I used to be like- sorry, tmi." She finished at Blair's exclaim of disgust.

And then Blair let the information process fully. Humphrey. Dan who she had kissed twice but not had sex with. Dan who she had fallen asleep with cuddled on a couch but not in a bed. Surely it wasn't him. And it wasn't as if every guy that met her didn't treat Serena like she was a goddess, Dan wasn't unique for it. It was obviously a weird coincidence. She even laughed at the thought.

"Still there, B?"

"Uh, of course. Sorry. Just thinking about wedding plans, that's all they want to talk about here." Blair exclaimed clumsily, her voice a tad bit rushed and higher pitched.

"Blair you're not even making sense, isn't it late there-," Serena started.

"Sorry! Royal wedding to plan! Bye!" And with that she hung up the phone.

She was pacing the bedroom now, completely disregarding the intricate and expensive decor that she had so loved on arrival. It couldn't be Dan Humphrey. There first kiss was ill timed and her surprise attack had obviously startled him as he had fumbled. Fumbled as though he might be nervous... but the second kiss, he had pulled her in for that one. He had been prepared and kissed well. He had surprised her, honestly, but she had been so caught up in the Louis/Chuck triangle that she hadn't given it much thought afterward. Even still, why would something as silly as two kisses mess with her subconscious? She was making a big deal out of nothing.

She glanced at the large clock that hung over the ornate dresser. It was eleven o clock here. Her panic was still installing adrenaline in her but maybe she could force herself to sleep. Yes, she thought, quickly changing into sleepwear, she would prove it wasn't Dan Humphrey.

* * *

It was Monday night and he hadn't heard from Blair all week. He knew she was busy planning her wedding but she had made time for their movie watching previous to this. As far as he knew he hadn't offended her in any serious way. He checked his laptop to see if she was on. When he saw she was available for video chat, he checked his shirt and smoothed his hair before sending an invitation. He half expected a rejection, but was surprised when it was accepted.

"Blair," he said.

"Humphrey? Why are you on Eric's chat?" She demanded, looking flustered.

Dan quickly glanced at the program to see that Eric had forgotten to log out after borrowing his laptop. Their friend list was similar enough that he hadn't noticed at first glance. "He forgot to log out- are you avoiding me?"

"I'm busy, Humphrey. I don't know if you've heard, but royal weddings are kind of a big deal." She snapped at him.

"And so you're spending time video chatting in what I assume is your bedroom?" He retorted, but there had been something different in her tone of voice. He looked closer at her in the display and was confused. If he didn't know better-

"Are you _blushing_?" He asked incredulously

"What? No! Your screen must be breaking." She retorted, but her voice had heightened ever so slightly.

Dan's eyes narrowed and tried to look around Blair. "Did I interrupt something? Is Louis there?"

"Don't be crass, Humphrey." She huffed. "Now if you want to talk to me at all you will drop this inane interrogation."

He watched her, taking her in for the first time since their goodbye. She seemed not to have gotten much sun, probably spending most days in the palace planning. Her hair was down and curled, and it looked nice on her. The flush that had appeared on her cheeks had not quite gone away, but her jaw was set as though she was intent on having it never be seen again. "Alright, alright. So how's the wedding planning going? Do you have all the palace workers at your beck and whim?"

"The ones that aren't planning my demise with Louis' sister, yes." Blair sighed.

"Wow, uh, why doesn't she want you getting married?" Dan asked, trying not to laugh. Blair somehow managed to find drama and competition everywhere she went.

Blair looked pensive for a moment. "I'm trying to narrow it down between the option that she likes Louis' previous fiance better or the other option that she's still upset I thought she was one of the palace maids."

Dan did laugh at that. "Well you might want to be careful. I don't think a fallout between you and the princess would go over well with anyone. And I imagine it would be a lot harder to sabotage with everyone watching your every move."

"Do you have no faith in me, Humphrey? Gossip Girl has trained me for this very moment." Blair replied, but with a smile played on her lips.

"Blair-," he asked, using her first name to mark the turn for serious, "are you really happy with Louis?"

She frowned at that, looking down at her hands, then up again. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"That's not what I asked." Dan replied, suddenly frowning also.

She sighed. "It's getting late. I should probably get some rest. Some of us actually benefit from beauty sleep."

Dan wanted to tell her that she was beautiful enough without it, but bit back the response. He doubted the compliment would be received well. Instead he said, "Just be careful."

"I've got the royal guard following me around, I think I'll be fine." She replied softly. "Goodnight, Humphrey."

"Goodnight, Waldorf." He replied, before signing off. He shut the computer down, put it to the side and then wondered what the hell he was going to do.

* * *

She wasn't sure how it happened. One moment she was standing, ready to sit with Louis and his family for dinner, the next she was waking up with Louis shaking her. He insisted that she see a doctor, but she contributed it to the "stomach flu" she had been fighting all week. It was his sister, Princess Beatrice, that had narrowed her eyes like a hawk and practically demanded she eat as to get something in her system. Just being around the aroma of food made her want to lose her stomach. Blair likened the experience to when Jenny Humphrey had dumped yogurt on her head. Humiliating, disgusting, and altogether motive for the worst revenge.

Today, Louis had convinced her to go shopping with his brat of a sister. Perhaps he had picked up on the tension. He was to go with them, but got pulled away last minute. Currently she was walking the streets with Beatrice, the palace security behind them, with the fakest of smiles plastered on her face. They went into a boutique that Blair approved of, and Beatrice started pulling things off the racks. It wasn't until they got to the dressing room that Beatrice smiled and handed the pieces to her. "I hope you like my choices. I always love shopping for those less fortunate. I remembered your size."

Blair smiled thinly, reminding herself that she couldn't kill her fiance's sister, princess or not. "How kind of you."

She took the clothes and went into the fitting room, checking the size. It was a 0. At the beginning of the summer that would have been fine, but she had to admit that she was growing. She zipped one of the dresses up, hoping it would be forgiving with no sleeves. It fit in the sense that it zipped up, but the fabric was clearly stretching around her stomach. Blair frowned, eyeing her reflection in the mirror. How on earth was she going to keep this hidden for much longer? It had been hard enough hiding it from Serena and Dan who hadn't seen her since May- she couldn't possibly hide it from the people who scrutinized her every move here in Monaco. She unzipped the dress, hastily pulling it off her body, tears filling up her eyes. This was her fault. She had everything that she had ever wanted and she had ruined it completely.

She burst out of the dressing room, shoving the dress into a waiting Beatrice's hands, mumbling, "Chartreuse isn't my color", before leaving the shop all together. She felt the guard follow her and she ignored them, hailing a cab. Never before was she so happy that her father was living in France.

* * *

When Dan had received two lonely texts from Blair at three in the morning reading, "Have a passport?" and then a picture of the Eiffel tower, he had immediately rolled out of bed, bought a plane ticket, and took a cab to JFK. Once he had arrived in France and got out of the gate, however, he wondered what on earth he had just done. It had seemed so clear at the time- Blair wanted him so he came- but now the thought reminded him of the Labrador comment. She was getting married to the Prince of Monaco, and even if she wasn't there were a list of people she would date over him.

It was seven o' clock in Paris, the time difference messing with Dan's head. He called Blair, slightly terrified that she had changed her mind or was pulling a prank on him.

"Yes, Humphrey?"

"I'm in Paris." He admitted, stomach tensing.

There was a long pause and Dan wished he could hear better through the sounds of French in both the terminal and over the intercom. After a moment she said quietly, "Go to pickup, we'll send someone to get you."

He relaxed marginally, but only a little. In the hour he spent waiting for someone he considered his own predicament. Vanessa had threatened the release of his novel but so far nothing had come of it. No articles printed or books published- so far his worst fear hadn't come to light. He knew Nate would be upset, Chuck wouldn't care, and Serena would probably be both hurt and furious. He imagined that after awhile none of them would care. But Blair- his friendship with her could so easily be ruined. And as several hours of international flight had proven, it meant far too much to him.

A younger, pale looking guy found him, asking, "Daniel Humphrey?"

He nodded, following the man out to the nice car. The drive was a tad long and quiet. Dan fell asleep rather quickly, sleeping until the car finally rolled to a stop.

The mansion was done up in typical Waldorf fashion, large and grandiose. It was currently lit up by outside lights, looking pretty against the night sky. The driver took Dan's suitcase out of the car and set it on the ground. Dan grabbed it, walking up to the door. Blair came out and he stopped, suddenly nervous. She walked out, standing a few feet away with her arms wrapped around her. "Humphrey." She managed.

And then her set jaw trembled and her brown eyes looked panicked and so Dan rushed forward and let her cry into his shoulder.

* * *

Blair had told him everything, sitting on the patio of the chateau under the starry sky. She had finally stopped crying, having been horrified to do it in front of Dan. He hadn't teased her, just listened as she explained how everything was wrong. She had been worried when she told him about sleeping with Chuck while being with Louis, but he didn't seem like he was judging her. Instead he asked, "Are you sure you were looking for closure? It seems to me like you were looking for a way out with Louis."

She paused, mulling that over. "But the whole Louis thing-,"

"Is what you've wanted since you could walk." Dan finished. "I know. But dreams change and reality sets in and you of all people don't need a crown on your head for everyone to see that you're special. I think you've forgotten that after NYU and Chuck..."

"I guess." Blair frowned, looking down at her drink.

"Honestly, Blair, I don't see you as the girl that marries rich so she can sit back and be the socialite. I saw you at W. You're independent and ambitious and more than that. You figure having the best means having what everyone else wants but you forget that people never know what's best for them."

"Don't think just because you flew across an ocean to see me that you can get all Dr. Phil, Humphrey." She said, holding a hand up.

He shrugged in response, half-smiling. She reluctantly smiled back. There was a certain irony in the fact that they were friends now, how he was the first person she ran to when she wouldn't have touched him with a ten foot pole back at Constance. He had even been civil to her back then, helping her with her mother and Chuck.

"Louis is nice." She responded, "I could do worse."

"You could do better too. But if you wanted to be with Louis you wouldn't have slept with Chuck and you wouldn't be in France talking to me."

Blair rolled her eyes, watching him. His skin had gotten darker and his hair was still as curly and disorderly as usual. She tried to picture him as the man from her dream. It was hard, but she remembered how the dream lacked an over-the-top fantasy- what he was currently demeaning. She frowned. "So you're saying I should leave Louis and run back to New York with Chuck's baby?"

Dan shook his head. "No, I'm saying you should start listening to your heart _and_ your head. You can multitask."

She sighed heavily. "No one is going to love me when I'm a royally rejected single mother, and Chuck- when he found out-,"

"I would." Dan said simply, his brown eyes staring straight into hers.

"You are the champion of helpless cases." She replied, laughing a little.

He nodded, not really smiling. He reached out and touched her hand as he stood up, giving it a squeeze. "You'll figure it out, Waldorf. You're Queen B after all. Don't downgrade."

He left, probably to bed, and she sat at the patio table while staring at her hand. It had been a kind, friendly gesture. So why had it sent chills down her spine?

* * *

"Morning Blair-bear." Her father greeted as she woke up to him sitting beside her on the enormous, fluffy bed.

"Mm Daddy," She mumbled, rolling her face back into her pillow.

"Several calls from Monaco and New York have been fielded. Roman said you were on the verge of hysterics yesterday. He and your gentleman friend have been talking literature all morning."

Blair rolled back over to watch him. He didn't demand an explanation or serve judgment like her mother would, just patiently waited. Even though he was smiling she could see the worry in his eyes. It broke her heart to disappoint him, so all she managed to say was, "I don't want to be princess anymore."

He watched her carefully in return with his hazel eyes taking her in before kissing her forehead and saying, "You are so much better than that anyway."

She would have thought it was too early to cry but tears filled her eyes anyway. It might have been the elevated hormones or the stress she had been bottling up the past three months, but her eyes seemed to be against being dry. She sat up and wrapped her arms around him. "You don't think I'm horrible for giving up?"

"Blair Waldorf has never given up in her life." He said with a serious tone and a twinkle in his eye. "And as a woman you are allowed to change your mind at least one hundred times a month."

"I don't know what's wrong with me. I was supposed to get into Yale and marry Nate and be successful on my own, but then I messed everything up with Chuck and NYU."

"You are way too young to be worried, darling. I know you have this incessant need to control every miniscule detail of your life but you need to learn that some of the best things in life aren't planned." He said.

Blair frowned. "That sounds like words of comfort for those too lazy to work."

Her father laughed. "Your mother has you well trained. But look at her and Cyrus- would you have ever pictured that man as the one to make her so indescribably happy?"

"Perhaps not." She admitted, fiddling with her blankets.

"You own your life in a way that few people do. You have the Waldorf drive and you refuse to answer to anyone. It's one of the many reasons I didn't see you enjoying being part of a royal family." He said, "You strive for perfection and think you're failing when you're just shy but you're human, Blair. You're allowed mistakes. You're allowed Chuck's and NYU and Monaco's, as long as you learn from them."

She sighed heavily. Her father smiled and ruffled her hair, making her scrunch her face. Blair and her mother had always gotten terribly annoyed when he did that, but she had secretly enjoyed it, not minding when she had to redo her hair. "I love you, Daddy."

He nodded, "Love you too. Now come downstairs, darling,"

Blair sighed as he got up and went out the door, standing up and changing out of her nightgown into a simple dress. Putting a complete outfit together seemed like so much work, but she mindlessly found bracelets and things to match. Her cellphone began to ring and she winced, walking back over to the nightstand to check the id. Her mother. Wonderful. "Hello?"

"Blair, where on God's earth are you? Everyone is worried sick! Louis is here with Cyrus and I-,"

"Louis is there?" She asked, breathlessly.

"Yes, that's what I just said. Are you with your father? He hasn't been answering my calls at all and I-,"

"Tell Louis to stay put, I'll meet him at twelve." Blair interrupted, "I- I need to talk to him alone."

Her mother sighed, "What is going on, Blair? Are you alright?"

"Goodbye, mother." Blair replied sweetly, frowning as she hung up the phone. The courage that had welled up in her from her talk with her father had suddenly dispersed so quickly she almost wondered if it had ever been there. She ran for the closet, deciding that she needed a completely different outfit to break off an engagement to the Prince of Monaco.

* * *

Dan had spent most of the morning conversing with Roman over the dining table about the various risks modern authors took in literature. Dan had to admit he had been surprised at how well-read Roman was, remembering only briefly that Blair had said Roman was a fashion model. Blair's father had seemed incredibly bored with the conversation even though it was clear that he had little trouble following it, and he had disappeared upstairs after awhile. Soon enough he came down, nodding in Dan's direction. "Blair will be down soon enough."

He nodded in response as Roman started a conversation about Tolstoy and quite a bit of time passed before Blair finally appeared, looking quite flustered. "Humphrey- I need you."

Dan excused himself while Harold and Roman exchanged looks and followed Blair into the next room. "What's wrong?"

"Louis is at my mother's place and I said I'd go talk to him, so we need to leave." She answered quickly, her speech quickening the way it always did when she was flustered.

"Wait, we? Blair, I can't go with you, do you have any idea how that would look? We've already had this problem. You need to do this on your own." Dan replied, slightly annoyed.

Her bottom lip trembled a little. "Dan, please. You don't know how hard this is- I need you."

He sighed, looking at the adjacent wall briefly before looking back to her doe brown eyes, knowing without a doubt that he was a completely lost case. "Fine, I'll go with you, but I'm waiting outside, alright?"

"And have the paparazzi see? Has Gossip Girl taught you nothing?" She asked indignantly.

"Blair. Has Gossip Girl taught _you_ nothing? I have seen you take down an insane amount of people including people rich and powerful without batting an eye. You can do this." Dan answered in return, trying to pep her up. "Just think of his sister and how she was plotting your demise."

She seemed to consider that briefly, but shook her head. "Let's just go."

* * *

Blair's nerves were more than shot before they were close to their destination. It seemed that Dan's were too, for every time he had tried to console her she had shushed him and demanded complete silence. Yes, she was afraid of the fallout. The media was not going to be kind to her and she knew that. It would be world wide news this time, not that of a virtual Manhattan blog. Everyone would mock her and things would only get worse when everyone found out about the pregnancy. As horrifying, humiliating, and terrible as all that was, it wasn't what had Blair shaking.

More than that, it was the fact that despite how desperately she tried to hide it from everyone in New York, Blair had a conscience. She knew how awful she was for cheating on someone who had only been good to her, knew that God had punished her misdeed by giving her this baby (whether or not others would agree), and so in one of the few instances of her life, she felt guilt-ridden. She was more scared to see the hurt in Louis' eyes than the headline in the newspapers.

"We're here." The driver announced, and Blair startled as she looked out the window.

Dan's hand went to hers. "I'll be right here, waiting."

She nodded, shaking as she got out of the car. She began to steel herself as she always did before doing something large, going through her mantras. _You're a Waldorf. You can do this. You're Queen B. What does he even matter? He'll just be a line in your memoir, some silly anecdote._ She went up to the doors, unsurprised when the doorman opened them up and greeted her. Louis was there, waiting in the large foyer, and he rushed forward to embrace her, "Blair. I've been so worried about you."

She stepped back as soon as the doors were closed and the help had left. Tears were already threatening to fall and she forced herself to turn the emotion off. "You shouldn't have been."

"What are you talking about? Beatrice said you left the shop all of the sudden, she's been so worried that she offended you."

Blair inwardly scoffed at that, but watched Louis. His blue eyes were so sincere with worry that she wanted to simply lie everything away- it wouldn't be the first time she had done it, she could do it again- but then she remembered what her father had said earlier. "You're allowed Chuck's and NYU and Monaco's _as long as you learn from them_." Fuck.

"I left the shop because I realized I didn't fit into that stupid dress she was having me try on," She started mildly, lifting a hand when he went to open his mouth, "and I didn't fit in it because I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. And it's not yours."

He stood there, his jaw suddenly tense, and Blair suddenly wished that she had demanded Dan come up anyway because all she wanted to do was cry into his shoulder again. Louis finally spoke, looking away from her with a furrowed brow. "Chuck's?"

She nodded, feeling as small as she had when she had read the results of the paternity test. He didn't speak after that for what seemed like ages. "Do you still love him?"

"No, I don't. It was such a huge mistake, Louis. I'm so sorry that you got caught in it, I-,"

"Get rid of the baby. Get rid of it and we can pretend nothing happened." Louis said, looking so suddenly stern and cold that Blair took a step back. "I- what?"

"You said it was a mistake. We can move on and live in Monaco- get married and forget all about Chuck Bass."

"What- no." Blair said, finding her voice through her initial shock. "Even if I wasn't pregnant, I can't be your princess, Louis. I'm not that person. I wanted to be, but it was just some childish fantasy. I have to grow up."

"How can you do this? You realize the whole world is watching? That everyone is going to know?" He yelled.

Blair nodded, her head tilting up. "Yes, I know. I deserve it. I'm sorry."

Louis growled in frustration. "My mother was right. I shouldn't have bothered with some silly girl that gets in headlines for fun."

"That's not what it was about- I do care about you, Louis, I'm just messed up and I don't know what I want half the time and people get hurt around me." She replied, but he shook his head.

"Do not contact me again. If you try to pull anything with the press we will get even. Whatever things you have at the palace will be sent back to New York." He snapped, completely shutting off but then pausing one moment to look at her once more. "I gave you so many chances..."

And then he walked out, and Blair was left standing there. She stood, looking down at her stomach, pressing a hand to it. If she wasn't pregnant she would be stuffing her face right now only to throw it up, the crushing stress and disappointment in herself almost unbearable. As horrible as she was, she couldn't do that to an unborn baby that was already so developed... So she stood in the foyer of her mother and Cyrus' home, so close to her breaking point that she could barely breathe.

The doors opened after a few moments, Dan coming inside, and he took one look at her before wrapping his arms around her. She rested her head on his shoulder, but her arms laid limp at her side. "I have to give this baby up... I can't be a mother."

"Yes, you can." Dan reassured, pulling back. "Even Georgina wasn't terrible...,"

"Her only redeeming maternal quality was that she realized you would be a fair parent, Humphrey." Blair snapped, her throat tightening more and more. "I can't do this. I'll screw it up. I screw everything up. I'm just as dark and twisted as Chuck-,"

"Stop." Dan half-shouted at her. "Blair, I'm not listening to this. You've got to wake up and realize that if you don't start loving or at the very least accepting yourself you are going to be miserable for the rest of your life. The only connection you and Chuck have is that you believe every bad thing that's ever been said about you. That's it."

"Because it's true- you of all people should know! Look at how I treated you back in high school. We shouldn't be friends based on that alone, let alone what I did to your sister."

Dan grabbed her shoulders and she was unsure for a moment whether or not he was going to shake her. "That's because you're only focusing on your flaws, but you're more than that. For the longest time you thought all anyone saw was Serena, but I saw you too. You were the one that made sure she was always safe no matter how drunk or high she was. You were the one who was always studying more hours than humanly possible to get top scores in classes, the only one who beat me in an essay competition Sophomore year- it was brilliant, too, I was there when you read it at the award ceremony-,"

"Wait, you went? Why? They only honored the first place winner." Blair asked, briefly distracted.

"I don't know, I mean I was intrigued that someone at Constance actually cared enough to try-," He said doggedly, and her eyes narrowed, "Humphrey-,"

"I figured no one else would show." He admitted, sheepishly, "And I thought there should at least be a few people besides family and minions."

Blair's throat tightened a little. "My mother didn't even show. Dad had already left and Serena was gone- I didn't even bother asking Nate... but you were there..."

Dan seemed uncomfortable and shrugged, "Look it's not a big deal. The point is you're brilliant, and loyal, and caring, and driven. Choose to be that version of Blair Waldorf and you'll be unstoppable."

She nodded, still thinking about the essay competition. It had to be the stress and hormone-driven emotions, but she had an almost undeniable urge to kiss him. "Let's go home, Humphrey. I think Dorota's vacation has been long enough."

* * *

" _I will never ever again run from life or from love either." She said, the words coming out of her mouth so smoothly, "Sabrina. You remembered."_

" _Don't think you're not in trouble for reading those, Waldorf, intoxication is not an excuse. I'm simply going to improvise on the spot now for pure revenge." Dan commented back, grinning._

" _Humphrey, if you so dare ruin our wedding day with a nervous speech so help me God-,"_

Blair woke with a start, her ring tone blaring in her ears. She swiped the call away without looking, grumbling, and then came to her full senses. Her dream. She had just dreamed about marrying Humphrey. She was going insane. Her eyes were now wide, and she sat up fully. It had to be a mistake, really. Just some deeper meaning about how she was finally facing everything in her life, not some commentary on her romantic feelings. And certainly, definitely not both.

She glanced back over at her phone, ready for a distraction, and read the display: 3 Missed Calls - Chuck Bass.

Shit. He knew.

Slowly she got out of bed. She had been staying in Brooklyn with Dan for over a week now, avoiding everyone (mainly the tabloids) as best as she could. Eric had covered for Dan and her father for Blair, but it was only a matter of time before Serena started worrying or Chuck started snooping, and it look like the time had finally come. Well enough. She and Dan had begun to drive each other crazy and Dorota had only managed to smuggle the bare necessities over to the loft without drawing attention.

Blair dragged herself into the shower and out. She almost screamed when she grabbed the wrong towel on accident and was greeted with the increasingly familiar scent of Dan's soap and shampoo. Throwing it as hard as she could across the bathroom she briefly considered taking another shower. Not that Dan smelled bad, he smelled terribly good on the contrary- she caught herself blushing in the mirror and glared. Blair Waldorf did not blush. She composed herself before dressing.

She managed to write a note for Dan but quickly sneaked out of the apartment before he woke. She didn't want him getting involved, Chuck was known for not caring about collateral damage in the slightest. Even with her Dolce and Gabana shades on she worried about reporters or Gossip Girl tip offs, but it seemed as though her trip to the Empire went unnoticed. As she went up the elevator she tried not to cringe- so many memories, good and bad, now tainted... Her stomach was unsettled and her nerves shaken as she reached the penthouse floor and she went in, unannounced.

Chuck was there, waiting, as though he knew she would come any minute. He stepped forward as she took the sunglasses off. "I heard what happened with you and Louis- you told him? Why?"

Blair paused, her voice caught in her throat. He knew her well enough to see through any lie she told, and even if he didn't he had the resources and the investigators to find out the truth. She was caught in a corner, only able to tell actuality. "I had to. I'm pregnant."

"You're-," He started, jaw a little slack. Blair had to admit he was handsome, even like that. There had been so much potential for them to be great and they had ruined it completely. "And I'm...?"

Blair nodded mutely. He seemed to come alive, but she shook her head. "The bar mitzvah- that was a mistake. That was me running away from Louis and making sure I had an out if I needed it. You were wonderful, letting me go. I will always appreciate it. But you are not coming within a foot of this baby, Chuck. I don't care what I have to do, who I have to bribe, what I have to sell- but it's my choice." Blair ground out, the hairs on her arm standing. "The way we treated each other, the way you treated me, I refuse to let any child of mine grow up around that. That's why I'm giving him up."

"Blair, we were young, this is different. I love you, you need to know that. I love that baby-,"

"It was only a few months ago." She argued quietly, "The sordid list of what you've done to me is long enough, and I won't pretend that I'm innocent by any means. The worst things weren't that you threatened and manipulated or even traded me for the Empire- it was that I let it happen. What we have- that's not love, Chuck. It's unhealthy and corrupt and I'm not going to keep playing the co-dependent victim."

"So that's it then? You're giving up on everything? On us?"

"Don't you get it? You can't be my whole universe! The sun doesn't rise and fall with the person you're in love with, that's childish and unrealistic. You're capable of real love. I've seen it with Eva and Raina- but you're not capable of it with me."

She hated to admit that there were tears in her eyes. He was standing over her, just one step away from grabbing her arms and pulling her in like he always did. There had been so many times in her life where that was all she wanted, and deep down there would probably always be a little part of her that would, but she knew better now. She knew that she couldn't save him, knew that she deserved better and knew that this baby deserved better.

"What has Humphrey said to you?"

"Is that really all you can see? If I'm acting differently than what you want someone else must be doing a better job at controlling me?" She asked, her voice cracking, "Was I ever equal to you in your mind?"

"No, Blair, you were better!" Chuck snapped, "You've always been better, even made me want to be better-,"

"Then prove it." She interrupted. "Leave this baby alone. Leave me alone. Leave Dan and his family alone. If you can't be better for yourself, at least do it for me."

And with that she walked out to the elevator, watching his standing figure as the doors closed. Once they were shut the tears began to well more and more and it was by some miracle that she made it to a cab before they began to fall completely, and the sobs shook her body. Despite everything, she wished that things could be different. That Chuck could be the person he always promised to be for her, that they could really run off into the sunset and be so eternally happy as a family. But it wasn't going to happen, and for the first time in a long time Blair realized it wasn't meant to.

When she arrived back in Brooklyn Dan was waiting outside the loft looking so terribly anxious that her heart almost broke all over again. He seemed more than relieved to see her, swiftly coming over as she reached the top of the stairs. "You couldn't wake me up to tell me you were seeing Chuck? Blair, I thought we had at least reached an agreement to tell each other major things- I thought you changed your mind and decided to run off with him."

"Yes, well, Dorota already threatened to revoke my godmother status if I did." Blair said, emotionally drained.

He half-smiled, his brown eyes looking more concerned as they watched her than anything. He reached up a hand and rubbed her cheek. "Your mascara is all over... Did he hurt you?"

"No. He said all the right things like he always did. I just couldn't believe them." She reached up her hand and put it over his before she even realized what she was doing. His demeanor tensed ever so slightly. "I'm so tired of crying, Dan."

He nodded, silently, his long lashes not moving over his eyes once. He didn't try to smooth her pain over and pretend everything was okay. He stood there, understanding that she didn't want to hear any more pretty words. And as such, she did the only thing that made sense and put her lips to his.

* * *

_**Five years later** _

"Waffles. How shocking."

Dan smiled despite the snark that Blair was currently giving him. Not that he could possibly do anything otherwise— she was wearing nothing but his shirt and leaning just so against the wall. He couldn't believe how painstakingly naïve he had been when he had thought that nothing was more beautiful than Serena Vanderwoodsen's hair. This— Blair in the morning after an entertaining night in his bed on the eve of their wedding— god, there wasn't anything that came close. "It's a hangover food, Waldorf. It's not my fault you let Serena plan your bachelorette party."

"You better be nice to me, Humphrey, I am known to ruin engagements," she replied happily, picking up a waffle from the plate he had made before he could swap her hand, "in fact I think I should call it off right now."

If he didn't know Blair so indescribably well, he would be terrified. His nerves were becoming more and more sensitive as it was, but luckily if Blair was joking like this the last thing she was going to do was leave, and so all he did was roll his eyes. "And why is that?"

"Well what on earth are you going to call me if you can't call me Waldorf?"

"What? Blair, we talked about this, you don't have to change your name, I completely understand why you wouldn't—,"

The brunette walked closer to him, the waffle she had grabbed long eaten, and smiled in such a sincere manner that it was all Dan could do not to melt. He had thought that wouldn't happen, after such a long time, but here he was listening with every fiber of his being as she said, "I know, I know. And while I am all for being an independent woman with the amazing Waldorf name, I realized something reading those vows last night."

"You were drunk, do you really—,"

"Shut up, Humphrey, and let me finish," she interrupted him, stepping on his foot. "What I'm saying is that I don't need to be a Waldorf. All I need is to be Blair. Look at your book, you're the one who somehow managed to see through everything when you barely knew me. You saw that I could be the girl that would eat waffles on a Thursday morning in Brooklyn because she loves herself enough to know that spending Friday night at the Met dressed in Elie Saab doesn't really matter. The girl that loves herself enough to know that while having minions is an efficient way to get things done, tearing the people around you down will only result in being utterly alone. The girl that would, after so much time, realize she wasn't broken and incapable of being loved. You saw that girl when no one else even bothered and when the only person I thought could possibly love me made her the hardest to find."

She stopped, as Dan had started shaking his head in disagreement. She looked a little vulnerable suddenly, as if she was upset that he had stopped her, but he still had to say, "You would have figured out everything without me, Blair, you're stronger—,"

"Don't argue." She snapped, but with a small smile on her face, "The point is that I don't want to be Blair Waldorf anymore, because you've made me realize that I am so much better than her. As much as I mock it, and even after all this time I'm sure you see right through me, I couldn't want anything more than to be a ridiculous Humphrey with waffles and oddly designed apartments and someone who can love both the person I am and the person I really want to be."

While it was causing him physical pain not to kiss her right that second, he still managed to say, "Even if you have to wear plaid? And listen to painful 90's alt rock? Those are pretty much requirements, you know."

"As long as I can miraculously match that plaid with a pair of Dolce and Gabbanas, I suppose I will survive." She answered, a happy smirk on her face.

He leaned in to kiss her then, but was interrupted as a small voice said, "Ugh, mom, kissing is gross."

They both turned with smiles on their faces to see almost five-year old Clark glaring at them, apparently finally awake as he stepped out of his guest room, and Dan somehow managed to pull apart from his soon-to-be wife and grabbed the plate of now slightly cold waffles. "I've got breakfast, dude. Your favorite."

"Yes!" Clark half-shouted as soon as he saw the large stack, "awesome."

Dan grinned, sitting the boy at the table and proffering syrup and butter. Blair stood watching them with a smile on her face and Dan was about to go back to her right before Clark spoke again, "Hey, Dan, I was wondering something."

"What's that?"

"You and mom are getting married tomorrow, right?"

"If this is about your tux, Clark, you still have to wear it." Blair called back, having started walking away to go change into better clothing.

Clark gave an exaggerated sigh but turned serious once more only a few seconds later, "So can I can call you Dad too?"

Dan watched the boy, with his perfectly trimmed brown hair and his big brown eyes. Five years ago, even though Dan had easily declared that he would love Blair whether she was having Chuck's baby or not, he had worried if he could ever love the child. He had been surprised what the answer was. "I want to be your Dad just as much as I want to marry your mom, but it's up to you."

When Blair had decided to keep the baby, Dan had knew it would be hard. The first year had indeed been spent in courts with Chuck over custody. After time, Chuck had matured enough to let Blair handle their son and Dan be around him. Now things were better than they had ever been, and Clark was able to see his father on weekends and be with Blair in her city apartment during the week.

"Sweet. None of my friends get two dads. Except Henry."

"You are pretty lucky, aren't you?" Blair asked, having returned in a simple floral dress. Her hair was up and her face had fresh makeup but it was her smile that still managed to take Dan's breath away in unsophisticated moments like this.

"Yup." Clark replied simply, scarfing down more waffles.

And it was this, Dan thought, that couldn't be topped. The wedding would be gorgeous, and Blair would be stunning as always, but for Dan, this was the perfect moment.

* * *

Blair had woken up with the traditional smell of waffles cooking, but that wasn't what put a smile on her face so early in the morning. No, it was because finally Blair had woken up without having dreamed anything. _Finally,_ she thought. _Finally._

It had taken twenty-five years, but for the first time in her life, Blair Waldorf-soon-to-be-Humphrey could honestly say that her reality was far better than any classic film or silly dream.


End file.
